Finding Home (Excerpt)

“I am the LORD. That is my name, and I will not give my glory to another or my praise to idols.” Isaiah 42:8

1

Nia Montgomery couldn’t believe her eyes. There was no way possible that the text messages flooding the nursery iPad screen were meant for her husband.

“Shhh.. Mommy’s right here, little guy.”

Nia held her son, Junior, closely as she rocked him back to sleep. She was trying to lay him down in his crib without waking him. Nia had just returned home from towing Junior and her two-year old daughter, Aiya, across town and back to pick up takeout from her favorite Italian restaurant. She was certain that her plans for a relaxing evening alone, once the kids were down, had come to an end.

The glow from the screen let her know that the blue bubbles were still coming through.

…Where are you going?

I can’t walk that far in these heels…

I’m so sorry about what happened to you.

Meet me in the parking lot.

I want to give you a hug.

Nia truly could not believe what she was seeing. Her heart was beating fast. She was sure that it was loud enough to wake her son. Either that or just burst completely out of her chest. Who is this woman? I don’t recognize this number. Why isn’t it saved?

Her husband, Jamal, was supposed to be out of town on a work trip. Now, she wasn’t so sure about that. 

If I can just see what he’s saying. 

Nia walked across the room and carefully placed Junior in his crib. She moved swiftly and gently to be sure that she wouldn’t wake him. Her heart was now racing as one thought entered and lingered in her mind.

Is he having an affair?

Nia stood up straight and turned to face the dresser that the iPad was sitting on. As much as she wanted to know, she also didn’t want to know. She knew that this moment could change everything. Nia knew in her heart that whether she learned the truth or remained in the dark, that this moment had already changed so much.

Nia knew that the only thing standing between certainty and uncertainty would take very little physical effort on her part. All she had to do was walk across the room, pick up the device, tap, and scroll. However, emotionally, Nia’s heart couldn’t withstand another heartbreak. Should Jamal be involved in a romantic - or even relatively emotional - relationship with another woman, this could be the fatal blow to her fragile heart.

It didn’t take long for Nia to realize that the screen no longer glowed. Thanks to the blackout curtains she received as a gift from her registry, Nia knew that the messages had stopped. She knew because the room went completely black and she was standing alone in the dark.

Identity

Read John 4:5-30, 39-42

The Christian life is a life full of opportunity. We have opportunities - invitations from God - to rest, work, serve, celebrate, grieve, and so much more. In our many opportunities as Christians, we often find that the challenging part of navigating it all is based on our ability to remember our identity in Christ.

Noah Webster defined identity as sameness, as distinguished from similitude and diversity. Consider this definition in the light of the passage of scripture you just read.

Imagine this exchange in your mind. The woman’s responses: “But I’m a Samaritan.” “I’m a woman.” “But I don’t have a cup.” “I don’t have a husband.” God cares very much about how He made us, how uniquely wired us, the circumstances of our life, and our relationships. This passage shows us that He cares even more about knowing us and being known by us.

Much like the Woman at the Well, we attempt to find our identity in the things of this world. Three times the Messiah, this woman's Maker, replied to her statements about who she was, how things operate in her culture, and her relationship status. As modern readers of this historical encounter with Jesus, it is safe to safe that - to us - she known by her encounter with the Messiah. 

This woman received the gift of God. Jesus Christ Himself revealing to her that He is the Savior of the world. Through this passage of Scripture, we learn that she entered into the most important relationship of her life, and then, in turn, we learned that she invited others to do so as well.   

Our roles, relationships, and titles are fleeting. This world and its opposition to God’s Kingdom will pass away. Our bodies - the flesh - which resists the things of God will return to dust. If ever these things become our baseline for who we are, our connection to reality - our identity - becomes skewed. We must contend for our identity to be found in Jesus Christ. We must live countercultural lives, using the roles, relationships, and gifts we have been given to steward to build His kingdom. We must always return back to finding our identity in Him and encouraging others to do the same.

When we live like this woman; A woman who encountered the Christ revealed as the Messiah and moved to tell others to do the same, we are living from our truest identity.

When you are tempted to find your identity anywhere and in anything but in Christ, remember, we are who we truly are based on the only relationship that ultimately matters: Our relation to Christ. With our identity being rooted and grounded in Him, we will find joy and delight in pointing people to follow our worthy Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ.

Be inspired by this unnamed woman at the well. Be your true self in Christ. Fulfill the ultimate purpose for your life. Participate with God in His redemption plan for this world. Build His Kingdom by simply being you.

Reflection Questions

What is identity? What role does identity play in our lives?

Why do we need to remind ourselves of our identity? What pitfalls might we avoid by disciplining ourselves in this habit?

What is a major barrier for you when it comes to knowing, believing, and expressing through your life that you are a believer and your identity is in Christ?

Ask the Lord to help you identify someone in your life who isn’t living from their God-given identity. Prayerfully consider this person and ask God His perspective on how you be of best service to Him for His plans in their life. Write down what He shares.

If you believe God has compelled and released you, consider and record ways that you can uniquely walk with her to share who God is and who He says that she is in Christ. How can you specifically help her to identify her unique gifts from the Lord and encourage her in ways that she can glorify Him with them?

Forgive, Reconcile, Love, Repeat

I remember when my faith was fresh. It was a time of newness, one when I knew many stories of Christ but my personal experience with Christ was limited. I had just given birth to my third child and I was coming out of a very traumatic postpartum experience. It was during this time that I began to feel an increasing awareness of a tremendous source of pain in my life: my relationship with my mother. She was entering a hard season of her own, seemingly on her own.

My heart ached with her. 

It ached for her. 

The more I leaned in to help, I realized that my heart ached because of her.

A little backstory: my mother was a single parent. She was a teen mom. I was her only girl; The second born out of three children. Can I just state that growing up was hard? Looking back, the fact that I grew up without knowing that I could have a relationship with God was even harder. We knew church. We knew church sayings. We knew gospel music, yet Jesus wasn’t the foundation of our family. Needless to say, without a true relationship with Him, life under these “less than ideal” circumstances were extremely challenging. One where there was consistent care intermingled with unspoken hurts and unforgiven transgressions that were buried deep beneath the surface of our relationship. We lacked access to biblical tools, therefore the ability, to healthily navigate the challenges of family life with the grace and forgiveness that they so often require. 

After having my babies, and still longing for a deeper level of connection with my mother, I was truly hurting. However, in the midst of my pain and with my newfound faith in Jesus, all the biblical talk about newness of life, forgiveness, reconciliation, and love, my faith was awakening to a hope that He could heal and restore my relationship with my mom. For the first time I believed that God could resurrect the dead parts of our story. I deeply desired to start afresh and have a heart-to-heart with my mother. I longed to apologize and ask her forgiveness where I needed to, as well as accept her apologies and extend forgiveness to her where she needed me to. I was ready to not just merely read the words of Jesus, I was moved - overwhelmed - with a desire to be bold and apply the words of Jesus. 

Like many stories in life, our initial conversation didn’t go as I hoped it would. However, our relationship eventually did experience healing and restoration. Throughout our relationship, the Lord consistently gave me the grace to continually apply these few principles I will share with you. Although it seems simple, at times, it will not be. We all need the power of God’s Spirit and His enablement to obey what He commands of us. These steps are not a “how to” but I hope that they serve as encouragement towards the desired attitudes of the heart that can grow out of being in Christ. As I grew in the Lord as His disciple, His life and teachings - His very spirit - ministered to the offenses that were buried there and taught me how to heal with Him and how to forgive be reconciled to and love others.

Choose to forgive. As disciples of Christ, we must embrace that not only is forgiveness a choice, but it is also a command. We are completely and totally forgiven by God and as His representatives, we are to extend the forgiveness of God towards others, in word and in deed. This can be challenging. This can seem flat out impossible. Yet, God’s grace is sufficient. While the individual you could be prompted to forgive may not realize their need for forgiveness, nor be told that you forgive them because of that, forgiving them should always be a matter between you and God.

Pursue reconciliation. Once we have settled in our hearts and minds to choose obedience to Christ’s commands to forgive, we must then move to reconcile. God actually desires that before we offer our gifts to Him, that we make matters right with others. In other words we are to either initiate or be willing to respond to another’s initiation to make things right between us after a transgression. This brings glory to God. If you’re still not convinced, the Scriptures teach us that we are ministers of reconciliation. There must be an exchange, an adjustment, to make things right. As in all things pertaining to faith, our model for this is Jesus. Through and by Jesus’ sacrificial atonement, He restored to us the divine favor of God. He made our relationship with the Father right again. Remember, even if the other person isn’t interested in reconciliation, you can still do what glorifies God and trust Him with the rest.

Commit - and recommit - to unconditional love. Jesus said that as His disciples, it is His will that we would be known by our love for one another. We can have all the gifts, roles, responsibilities, titles, and everything else in this world, but if we lack love, the Scriptures tell us that we’re not actually helping, benefitting, or doing good to others. The Scriptures actually say that we are a sounding gong. This is very convicting and it serves as an encouragement to allow love to be our motivating factor in anything we do for and to others. Whether they love us in return, is no longer our concern and when we rely on God’s strength to obey the call to love others, we can focus on Jesus and do just that. In doing so, our unmet expectations of others, lose their power over us, and we can love selflessly.

When we resolve to forgive, reconcile, love, and repeat this as much as necessary, we are walking in the light. When we rely on the Spirit of God to do our part in following the model of Christ and we are actively participating in being transformed into His image, we are living out our purpose. Living out our purpose in Christ is always good, for in it we glorify God.

Sovereign

While up reading late one evening, I grew restless. No matter what I did, it became very clear to me that winding down with a good book before bed would not be a part of my plans for the night. So, I got up from my reading chair and began to tidy-up around the house. Tidying turned into full on cleaning, and cleaning eventually attempted to spiral into starting a home project, despite the fact that midnight was quickly approaching. Needless to say, all of this signaled to me that there was something going on within my heart that I really needed to process and get to the bottom of. I knew exactly what it was: I had an upcoming decision to make. I knew I couldn’t make it on my own, it needed to be a wise choice. I needed to pray. 

So, that’s exactly what I did. I sat down and I began to pray. Of course, I prayed that His will would be done in the situation and for it to be revealed to me that I may walk in it, because ultimately, I desire for God’s will to be done in my life. However, the more I prayed, the more the inner reality began to surface: I wasn’t praying at all. I was worrying. I was worrying and calling it prayer as I sat there and listened to myself vocalize all the potential outcomes to God.

As if He didn’t already know.

As if He weren’t already in my future.

As if He weren’t ultimately in control.

And there it was. The root in which I was wrestling with. I knew that in my decision -  no matter what I chose - I would no longer be in control of the outcome. What people would say. What people would think. How things would appear to be. The complete and and entire narrative.

All. Every single last part of it. Out of my control.

In that moment, God’s still small voice led me. The peace of His presence ministered to my soul as He reminded me of His word:

“Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.”

God is in control. I am not. I am thankful for His revelation - His writing of this moment on my heart - of my ability to surrender lack of trust in Him and receive Him and His sovereignty. Once again, I was encouraged to rest in His ability to be God. I love that praying for God’s will to be done was another “yes and amen” moment. His “yes and amen” for me this time was the revelation of Him. I am grateful that He showed me my need, in such a beautiful way. I’m thankful that I was prompted to ask Him, through prayer, for the faith required to trust Him again.

Friend, God has never not been God. He has never lost His ability to be a good God, who can see all things from every angle and yet still be completely and fully in control. Pray this prayer with me:

Lord, Help us to see that You are always at work in our lives and that you always have been. Expose the areas of our lives where we have given into the illusion of being in control. Give us the grace and power required to continually rest in your sovereignty; To trust you completely by surrendering our wills to Your will as an exercise of faith. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Powerful Words

Proverbs 18:21, Matthew 16:19, Mark 11:12-15

The Bible has much to say about our words and how powerful they are. Within the Scriptures, we witness amazing, positive events happening as words are carefully chosen and spoken. We see God creating the world. We also see Queen Esther saving an entire race as she boldly approaches King Xerxes’ throne.

Likewise, we witness what happens when we choose words which do not build, but instead are negative; Words that are designed to curse or destroy. With her words, Potiphar’s wife falsely accused Joseph of a crime he did not commit, which landed him in jail. Jesus used his words to tell a fig tree that it would no longer bear fruit, and it did not ever bear fruit again.

Ultimately, the Bible shows us - and explicitly states - that death and life are in the power of our tongues.  

When we truly believe what the Bible says about the power of our words, we become careful about how we choose our words, as well as what we actually choose to say. We begin to realize that everything we think does not actually need to be said. We recognize when it is probably best for us to leave something unspoken, and when we should speak words of healing, hope, and kindness instead.

When we do not believe what the Bible says about the power of our words, we carelessly speak in ways that are unkind, unloving, and ultimately destructive. We say whatever we think or feel without considering the impact it may have on others. If we continue in this pattern, we eventually become known for negativity, gossip, and unfortunately slander. All of these matters can be summed up in one word: death. Although it may not lead to physical death, it can and will lead to the death of someone’s hope, their dreams, or their belief in what God says about them to be true.

We should not use our words in a way that tears others down. Instead, we can use the destructive power of our words to our - and others’ - benefit. For example, what if we used our words to tear down something that’s divisive, or corruptive even? Something like sin? In Matthew 18, Jesus explains to his disciples that what we bind on earth is bound in heaven and what we loose on earth is loosed in Heaven. He mentions this just after He shares how to navigate matters concerning discipline within the church. More specifically, Jesus instructs us on how to handle (by way of speech) situations which involve someone being unrepentant in their tolerance of and engagement in sin.

In light of this passage, and many others, our words are to be in line with what God says about something; Those things that are a settled matter in heaven. Things that are in His will. In Jesus, we have the power to bind and loose, build and destroy. We can speak life or death. Talk about words having power! Do you truly believe this?

Remember, our beliefs about anything informs our actions in everything. We form patterns, habits, behaviors, and ultimately the way in which we live our lives by our thoughts about something. What would happen if we choose to fully embrace and believe what God says about the words we speak? What does a life fully resolved to speak the truth - God’s Word - into conversations? What could happen in the hearts and minds of others should we choose to only speak words that build, encourage, and bring life?